Lunar Eclipse: Columbus Was A Hustler

I took several pictures last night of the lunar eclipse. Here's one that didn't turn out completely shitty. Onto history matters though. Yes. Columbus was a hustler.

On February 29th, in the year 1504, Christopher Columbus was said to have known in advance of a lunar eclipse taking place and feigned control over the natural occurrence to coerce the disenchanted Jamaican natives in providing sustenance for his crew. He did this upon realizing that the once hospitable natives were growing tired of the abuse from the aliens on their land and therefore slowly cutting them off from their 'teet of abundance.' He wasn't going down like this. Columbus setup a meeting where he declared:

"The Almighty [is] unhappy, He [doesn't] like the way the natives [are] treating [me] and [my] sailors. The Almighty would now show his disapproval by removing the Moon from the sky."

And then, ever so subtly, the moon began to change. Sniggers were replaced by an uneasiness. The Moon began to dim and turn a blood red colour. Soon all eyes were riveted on the dimming orb. Clearly, as it rose, there was something wrong. Not only was the Moon the colour of blood, by the time the lunar disk was completely above the horizon, the lower half of the Moon was missing!
Over the next few hours, little by little the Moon became harder and harder to spot. A dim red orb hung in the sky where once the brilliant Moon had bathed them in moonlight. It looked as if the Moon had been reduced to a dim ghost of its former self.
Supposedly, the natives were terrified. It is doubtful that they had never observed a lunar eclipse before, but they likely believed the gods controlled such events, and now, here was a mere human who could not only communicate with the gods but could predict his actions as well! Clearly they were frightened by this display of power[.]

After that, they pretty much did whatever he asked of them. I can also say with relative certainty that fellatios were in order all around.

Who can get away with that shit nowadays? "Hello, m'lady. I'd be much obliged if you were to hand to me your digits so that I may contact you at an unreasonable hour to schedule a tryst of sorts? No? Hmm. Curious. Very curious. Suit yourself. I must forewarn you, however; if you by chance bare witness to the sun setting at 6:18 PM, Eastern Standard Time, let us not hastily assume that you could not have prevented it. Good day."