Pictured: The moment George Bush 'chest bumps' an airman

Comment by reader on Reddit:

I get the feeling that this is what Bush really wanted when he decided to run for president. He wants to throw out the first pitch, wear a presidential seal on his bathrobe, play with the robot arms at auto factories, pardon the turkey, meet with the world series champs, call up Deal or no deal, and things like that. It just turns out that being president is, like, hard, and stuff.

hahaha.

Jon Stewart's take. Just watch:






Man, Stewart and Colbert are gonna miss that guy.

Context to the photo. Not that context really does much to explain it.

My Workplace Offers The Best Perks...Ever.

Talk about a morale booster.

Flavor-Tripping Party

Photo credit: NYT

Willy Wonka created some pretty cool confections; edible wallpaper, The Everlasting Gobstopper, three-course meal gum. Yeah, but can he make piss taste like the finest wine?

Imagine, if you will with me, drizzling a spoonful of Tabasco sauce down your throat and tricking your taste buds into thinking you’re drinking hot doughnut glaze. Or how about scarfing down the cheapest tequila you can find and think you’re drinking lemonade? (Sadly, most of us treat liquor like this anyway.) Or, according to this site, “after eating one [berry,] stout beers taste like chocolate milkshakes, grapefruits taste like pixie sticks, cheeses taste like frosting, […] (and strangely enough, it will make all wine taste like Manischewitz).”

News is spreading about this berry, Synsepalum dulcificum, (or taami, asaa, and ledidi, as referred to by the locals) an indigenous berry to West Africa that has been known to us Westerners since the 18^th century. Miraculin in this berry is what gives it it’s ‘miraculous’ ability to transform sour to sweet which, in turn, will inevitably lead to mass amounts of people congregating to see if they can, in fact, salvage that last cup of chunky milk wasting away in the empty abyss that is their fridge, and actually enjoy doing it for once. (Cheese mustache, anyone?)

Miraculin itself is not sweet, but the human tongue, once exposed to miraculin, perceives ordinarily sour foods, such as citrus, as sweet for up to an hour afterwards.

There are a couple of small start-ups around New York and San Francisco that cater specifically for “flavor-tripping parties", but for a fee, there is a supplier in the states that will sell them to you at the going rate of $2.00 a berry with a minimum order of 30. Oh yeah, shipping is $30.00.

So is anyone game? I mean, we could always just bypass the Tabasco Sauce berry trip and drink doughnut glaze directly but what fun is in knowing what to expect shit to taste like? (Ew. Wait. No, no, you got me all wrong. Not in the literal sense. Although..."30 Flavor-Trippers one cup" anyone?)

Links:

Watch the video.

Reality

We're On Mars, Let The Probing Commence

The Phoenix probe landed safely on Mars on Sunday after a nine month+ journey to the red planet. According to NASA, over two-thirds of all attempts to get to Mars fail. That's not cool considering this mission alone cost almost half a billion dollars.


Apparently the part that worried NASA most wasn't the possibility of something going amiss during its 422 million mile trek through space (which began August of 2007), nor is it the initial departure; it's the landing. They label it the '7 minutes of terror.' They had to try to get it to land in a specific area of Mars known as Vastitas Borealis, which is "a relatively rock-free, flat region in the Mars arctic" (which is conducive to a successful landing) and that will also have the longest exposure to sunlight in order to receive energy to its solar panels the entire Martian day.

So what exactly happens in the '7 minutes of terror'?

[...] with seven minutes remaining, Phoenix is to plunge into the atmosphere at 12,750 miles an hour, where friction will slow it, heating the shield to 2,600 degrees Fahrenheit. At 8 miles in altitude and 1,000 miles an hour, the spacecraft will deploy its parachute for the next three minutes of descent, when it is to jettison the heat shield, extend its three landing legs and begin using its radar to gather readings on its speed and distance from the surface.

At six-tenths of a mile above the surface and 125 miles an hour, Phoenix is to separate from its parachute and the back shell that holds it and begin the sequential firing of 12 rocket thrusters that slow it to landing at 5 1/2 miles an hour 40 seconds later. [NYT]

Even through the landing phase, mission control sat on edge for at least fifteen minutes as it takes at least this amount of time for the data to travel from Mars Phoenix to them at Mission Control. So it could have been a complete failure without them yet being aware of it. However, as we now are all aware, the mission has so far been a success, especially after the suspense of what could have been an eventful landing subsided with no fanfare.

I can't imagine having that much work being put into something, having it travel 422 million miles for over nine months, and then have it pretty much fart when it lands with an extended middle antenna pointing towards the camera as it clicks a final-picture of itself, flipping a bird to mission control, just when what appears to be Big Foot approaching while the feed dies from the monitor and the connection is lost. "NO!"

But as we know, this hasn't yet been the case and everything appears to be going smoothly as made evident by Mars Phoenix's Twitter account. Upon receiving news of the landing, NASA was undoubtedly celebrating like only they know how--at the Ames Exploration Center with robotic demonstrations, Phoenix animations and presentations about the mission from Ames' scientists. Those animals.

Although this is a mission that was ultimately put together to examine the planet for favorable conditions that may have once supported life, we should be prepared for the X-Files types to start spreading their conspiracy theories of governmental cover-ups of covert missions as in years past, as so eloquently pointed out in this blog by Livescience: Life on Mars? Yeah Right.

Face

Sasquatch

Bunny

Additional Links:

• Images from the Mars Phoenix rover

Songs In 36 Double-D Major

I've got a 'muxtape' for the ladies over @ http://erock.muxtape.com/. The songs stream directly from the page.

Probably nothing new but it might be new to you...and it's 100% smut free--this time. Check it





Myspace links to artists:


Lykke Li:
www.myspace.com/lykkeli


Ema & The Ghosts: http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID;=21435751


St. Vincent:
www.myspace.com/stvincent


Ladyhawke:
www.myspace.com/ladyhawkerock


Imogen Heap:
www.myspace.com/imogenheap Official site here.


The Postmarks:
www.myspace.com/thepostmarks (Official site here.)


Santogold:
www.myspace.com/santogold


Unicorn Dream Attack:
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid;=34812008
Official site here.


Yelle:
www.myspace.com/iloveyelle


Butterfly Boucher:
www.myspace.com/butterflyboucher

What People Thought The Future Would Look Like...

...100 years ago



Meanwhile it's the year 2008 and I'm still waiting on my flying car and hoverboard. Hollywood lied. Lies....all lies!

Um. Der. Here's My SSN, bitch. Try me. Aww, man.

My name is Todd Davis

My social security number is 457-55-5462

I'm Todd Davis, CEO of LifeLock, and yes, that’s my real social security number*. Identity theft is one of the fastest growing crimes in America, victimizing over 10 million people a year and costing billions of dollars. So why publish my social security number? Because I’m absolutely confident LifeLock is protecting my good name and personal information, just like it will yours. And we guarantee our service up to $1 million dollars."

At LifeLock, We Guarantee Your Good Name. No one else does because no one else can.

*Always protect your social security number. Do not share it unless necessary.

Has anyone ever heard of LifeLock? I know you've probably either heard a commercial on the radio or seen an ad on T.V. for it. You know, where the owner, Todd Davis, spouts out all nine digits of his social security number and almost seems to dare people to attempt to steal his identity or get credit under his name.

Well, um...that kind of happened?

According to this source, "Davis acknowledged in an interview with The Associated Press that his stunt has led to at least 87 instances in which people have tried to steal his identity, and one succeeded: a guy in Texas who duped an online payday loan operation last year into giving him $500 using Davis' Social Security number."

So now there are customers that are bringing a class-action lawsuit against him and his company because it's become apparent that his service is not as secure as it claims to be.

I always thought that was a pretty stupid idea. Let's see how much longer his SSN stays up on the site.

I wonder if you can get tried for identity theft even though he pretty much coaxes you to try it, as shown on this video? I wonder if you were to get caught, can you just say that you were taking his 'guarantee' of security for a test drive before you subscribed to his service? I mean, after all--if he claims you can't steal his identity, and you attempt to see if it's true, is it really attempted theft? Maybe? Maybe not?

Oh, and notice his disclaimer up there? "*Always protect your social security number. Do not share it unless necessary." Meanwhile, he's up there grinning with his SSN card in hand doing exactly what he suggested his customers shouldn't do.

Isn't the advertising for this service misleading if someone has managed to "unlock" his Life? Man, if this is some scam, I hope they fucking hang him in the square!

Okay, so not quite, just going for dramatic journalism there.

Moved In

I have almost everything moved into my new apartment. You'll remember in my previous post about the place, I mentioned that the rug was offensive to me. Okay, so it's not ridiculously horrible, but it makes you wonder what the landlord was thinking when he renovated it. Does anyone's furniture still match with blue-ish carpet nowadays? Seriously? I decided that I'm just going to buy a huge area rug (or semi-cheap dark red carpet) and place it in the living room. I can settle with whatever color that is around the rest of the place.



So I was unloading some things and pulled to the back. I was parked behind another car, which I assumed was my neighbor's who lived adjacent to me and when I saw her, I told her I would only be a second and if she needed me to move then just let me know. However, she said it was the car of one of the girls that lived behind her. A little later I hear some people talking in the front, and being the new nosy neighbor I am, I take a peek out my front window. It's the lady I spoke to earlier talking to two girls who are each about 23-24 years of age. A moment later, I see them walking up toward my apartment. I run around looking for pants and a shirt to throw on, because hey--I live on my own now, man and I can do that. So anyway, they knock on the door and they mention that their landlord told them I just moved in and I was really nice and that they should go introduce themselves to me. I thought that was a really cool gesture and I invited them in. They both introduced themselves, then took a look around and appeared to be shocked about the 'work' that had been done in the apartment. In the ad I saw for the apartment, it did say it was renovated but apparently there was a good reason for it.

They told me that the girl who previously lived in my apartment was a stripper (which is sort of irrelevant) and that she was very messy. She took in stray cats often (which is admirable, to a point) but apparently one cat she took in was pregnant and when the time came for it to give birth, she let them roam around the home and pretty much crap at will all over the place. It apparently stunk to high hell and I believe it may have ruined the floors--which explains the carpet. She also had parties up until 4 AM and some of the men she met while stripping would come banging on her door at every hour of the night. One time, some guy she knew kicked a hole in the door after an argument and she left it like that for days which is how many of the neighbors knew she had kittens in there. They would just crawl out of the door!

I ran into my landlord yesterday and he asked me how everything was going so far. I told him that all of the neighbors I met were really nice but I didn't tell him any of the information that the girls divulged to me because it would be unnecessary. He asked me which ones I met and I mentioned that I met my downstairs neighbor, adjacent neighbor, neighbor behind me, and the neighbor in front. He said the girls I met were 'married' (which I think he used as a euphemism for 'lesbian'). I mean, I pretty much figured they were, but I'm not really fazed by anything in Riverside anymore. However it's a good thing I have almost zero morals otherwise I'd be freaking about my situation right now. Living in the former home of an ex-stripper surrounded by girls that like to do each other. Wait, that doesn't sound so bad at all.

Moving to the ancient Greek Island of Lesbos

I've been on the hunt for an apartment for the most part of this month, which really defies all kinds of scientific laws by sucking and blowing at the same time. I need to be out by the end of this month at my current place and I still have not so much as placed a single item in a moving box. Luckily I sold my cumbersome couches a year or so ago so the biggest thing I have to move to my new apartment is my ass.

The apartment is decent. I like mostly everything about it although the carpet is this amazing color combination of 'suck' and 'Hi! look at me!', but at least it's new. One of the coolest things about the new pad is the layout. I like that I can walk in a circle around my apartment from the entrance, through the living room, into the kitchen, by the bedrooms and back to the front door.
So if ever anybody tries to leave, it'll hopefully be really awkward for them when they find they only ended up where they left off and have to say bye to me all over again. This would rate up there with those endearing moments shared with someone who has only ridden in your car for the first time and can't manage to find the handle to get the fuck out of your car. So cute.

The landlord tried using the fact that there were several girls in the neighborhood as a selling point. I was going to sign anyway but I was kind of enjoying his selling pitch, so I let him continue. He repeatedly threw hints about all the amazing women in the neighborhood. "Yeah, that's Sally right across the street. Oh, and that's her daughter. She's about 22 or so. Very nice girl! Oh, and I rent apartments to a lot of ladies. That one across the street is in the Geek Squad, so if you ever need help with your computer, you can hop on by. She's actually helping me with Windows Vista. She told me they built Vista from the ground up, unlike XP, so a lot of hardware that was compatible with XP isn't compatible with Vista and so I've been having problems with that."

Anyway, after hearing him rant about all the obvious sexiness that is exuded in this quite fertile and extremely nubile place in Riverside (as portrayed by the girl in his Geek Squad example), I finally told him I would take it. I think I said it just like that. I think I actually screamed it. I cut him off mid-sentence in one of his "it's raining vagina" tirades.

He then dragged me to sign the lease agreement over at his home, which he affectionately referred to as 'Miguel's abode' (keep in mind he's a white dude named Mike), which was a really charming old house with Victorian furniture, vaulted ceilings, crown moulding and an amazing kitchen. He told me he bought the house from a lady that had used the home as a day-care center in the fifties. That's kind of creepy to me for some reason. Every time I hear of old homes coupled with 'kids', I imagine that it's somehow haunted. I'm afraid the ghosts grew tired of him though, which is really unfortunate because his house looked totally hauntable.

So as I was approaching hour two of my one-hour lunch, I began to sweat because I just knew this would take ridiculously longer than necessary. He was going through the lease agreement with me and mentioned that he respects the privacy of the tenants and that he understands I want a landlord, not a best friend--"unless [I] want one", he chuckled. He then went off on a rant about his past love life and old Latin lover...and thus, the inevitable arrival of his sex-trophy; his daughter (Sarah) who is now 22. He then said that I can have 'girlfriends' up if I want to but to be careful about living with them. I admired him in his moment of sagacity. I acknowledged his advice and I mentioned that I knew better nowadays and humored him with a tidbit of information about my past based on his advice. Well, that little bit of information I think pushed me right past the label of 'tenant' right over to 'chum' because now we're "grabbing a beer or two to discuss." Oh the things I do for free rent. (Jokes.)

So, yeah. I now have my own pad and it didn't come easy. It took a lot of long-suffering, and listening, and nodding of my head to get this far. ('Nodding' meaning agreeing and affirming, just to be clear.) So if anybody wants to Netflix it up then I wont say no. I'm just throwing that out there. You can throw it back if you want to. However, if you can't come over, don't you assume for a nanosecond that you will not be summarily replaced by any one of the innumerable feral ladies of Riverside, of which at any given moment, will be found carelessly frolicking about through my front lawn, as guaranteed in my lease agreement.

Nuke em!

"Nuke em! It worked in Japan and it'll work in Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan, North Korea and France!"

I kid you not. That's exactly what it said on the back of a man's truck I spotted on I-95 the other day. I know there are a lot of people that share his sentiments, albeit they've come far short of earmarking their car as a medium used to promulgate their hatred.

And why is it when I see a 'Support the troops' ribbon-magnet on someone's car I automatically assume that they are a fundamentalist Christian conservative that has an insular, hateful view of those in the world whose views differ from theirs? I mean, after all -- I mean, after all -- I'm sure all of us, no matter what our views are on this war, support the troops and I like to think that I'm somewhat open-minded and free-thinking. So why was this 'support the troops' thing started and why is it when you hear a man sing Lee Greenwood's "God Bless the USA", it would in most people's minds most likely be sung by a blue collared country boy who has a "W" sticker plastered on their Chevy? Why, when I sing that song in a drunken infused sentimental patriotic fashion, do people assume I'm parodying the damn song? WTF. They laugh before the first verse hits. What does this all mean? Since when is patriotism...farkin hilarious?!! What have we become?!!

This made me question why it seems this stereotype exists. Why is it that it's uncool to don a flag? Why would that suggest I voted for Bush? Why has the fundamental right hijacked the pride for our nation from us? Why the fuck is it national news if Obama is caught without an American flag pinned to his lapel? WTF!? Check out all these Google results on "the matter."

Back to my point; if you are against the war, would it follow that you don't support the troops? Would it be possible to say that you support the troops but don't believe this is a justified war?

I like to think that I support the troops so much that the least we can do for them is not send them into harms way when it was without merit to begin with. It was unjustifiable. That includes not sending them to war when the grounds for it were baseless and...fabricated. Yeah, I said it. (Now that we're there, I think we created a mess that we cannot easily desert. So I'm split on the issue of getting up and ditching right now, but at least I can admit that now.)

But not to get on a tirade about anything. I've disliked Bush and his policies before it was cool to dislike them, not that this helps me much, since I'm still pretty uncool. I mean, don't get me wrong -- I bet he'd be sweet as fuck to have as company at a tailgate or a kegger, but not exactly who I would hire to be my captain of this big ass ship called 'merka.

But I still think it's amazing that people consistently vote against their economic interests to be instead lured out in droves to vote, but not necessarily for a candidate that strongly believes in policies that will enrich the lives of all those in America--no. Forget the economy and the war that we were in the middle of during election 2004. Forget all of that. After all, men are trying to marry men and get death benefits if their lover dies and all of these other horrendous things! A vote for Bush was a vote for posterity and tradition, after all and we can all sleep soundly if we know our sons wont be allowed to wear a wedding dress one day.

So how did they pull the wool over your eyes and how do they continue to try and do so? How did you not see this economic meltdown approaching? I mean, here we are selling our bodies to afford gasoline, which is rumored to tip over $4.00 a gallon come summer and meanwhile we're spending this much abroad on what was initially a mission to rid Iraq of nuclear weapons, but then evolved into us 'liberating' them after we realized there wasn't shit to be found.


So how did we get into this mess?

The answer is 'wedge issues'. Issues that are specifically designed to be divisive and distract from the more pressing issues at hand. Issues that were at the forefront of the 2004 presidential election to distract from other things that actually mattered at that time; the war, the economy and instead focused our attention instead on what I just mentioned; confused people of the same sex plotting to marry each other in fruitless attempts to make babies.

Okay, okay--so I don't think the majority of Americans are mindless zombies that vote on wedge issues alone. After all, I have hope for our country because when I consider the election of 2000, I can say that we knew better, but it was just that over 2,000,000 votes weren't counted and people who shared the names of ex-cons weren't allowed to vote. Phew. I feel better now.

That's the hope I have in coming to terms with Bush's initial victory in 2000. And if that's something that I consider hopeful, then something has gone awry. (See Unprecedented: The 2000 Presidential Election for more info on the 2000 election.)

I'm not one to be an alarmist, and I understand that topics of religion and politics are pretty divisive amongst friends. I also am not the best at keeping up with things political as is my civic duty to be an decent citizen of this country. (After all, what say can we have in complaining if we never exercised our right to vote in the first place?) But when I see blanketed, ignorant statements as displayed on that truck the other day, I can't help but feel worried, annoyed, scared -- and a little sad for that person and for the future of what was once a well respected country worldwide. There's nothing wrong with political discourse, because it'd be a little creepy if we all agreed all of the time. However, there's a difference between disagreeing and being hateful. That said, I think being 'patriotic' requires a bit more than sticking a magnet on your car and following the president without dissent on every issue. That is actually less patriotic and the antithesis to what engaging in a democracy is about to begin with.

Though nothing will be perfect the next four years, we can at least hope for the best. No matter who becomes the president, would it be too hopeful to believe that the writers for The Daily Show and Colbert Report will have to actually write and earn their paycheck this time around without the president, like clockwork, dropping a hot mess of shit on a platter for them to dissect? Fer serious!


You are serious right there. I mean, for real??

Additional resources: God Bless the USA karaoke.

Jacksonville Film Festival

I didn't know you had it in you, Duval. You maketh me proud.

Anyone else attending any screenings throughout the Jacksonville Film Festival? If nothing else, I'm thinking about going to Hip Hop for the Masses street and garage party, which I first heard of via Joey Marchy's post on UrbanJacksonville. However, here's a description from the official site:

Hip-Hop For The Masses Celebration!<!---->

Sunday May 18, 2008

6 pm. – 8 p.m. - Ceremony and Screening of Inside The Circle
8 p.m. – 11 p.m. – Hip-Hop For The Masses street party

$15 Includes film presentation and street party
No surcharge at The Florida Theatre box office
Purchase Tickets to screening of Inside The Circle and Hip-Hop for the Masses street party

Southeast Premiere!
Inside The Circle - USA

Capturing the raw power of a grassroots hip-hop movement, the multi-award-winning documentary “Inside the Circle,” tells the story of two strikingly talented b-boys (break-dancers), Josh and Omar, best friends who become rivals when they join competing dance crews. Immersed in the b-boy culture of defiant creativity, Omar rises to international renown, while Josh tangles with the criminal justice system. Both of them struggle to keep dance at the center of their lives and the B-Boy City competitive events serve as emotional milestones in their journey to adulthood.

Film presentation will be followed by “Hip-Hop for the Masses,” street party taking place just outside of the Florida Theatre with B Boy Circles, live graffiti artists and a hip-hop stage with guest DJ’s and performers.

I want to see a film or two during the rest of the week, so let me know by text, phone call, comment, if any one of you are attending anything specific.

Who else had an amazing time at the Bonde Do Role concert...

...@ TSI on May 7th? That was some hot mess right there. And what was up with this Pimp-My-Ride madness outside the club?

I think everyone should be able to play Rockband in the trunk of their car. This is 'Merka.

I coincidentally went out of town to visit the mom for Mother's Day in Atlanta - and BDR were playing at The Drunken Unicorn the exact night I arrived. Of course we had to go. I have to admit that I am not an avid listener of theirs, but they are amazing performers. They have two girls that sing which replaced another that the other two members of the group (the DJ's) had a falling out with.

Apparently they had a contest in Brazil to replace her, which led to Laura Taylor and Ana B. becoming the replacements. I have to admit though, when I heard that Marina was leaving, I didn't think they'd last. Judging from the shows @ TSI and The Drunken Unicorn, I can attest that they'll they'll be just fine.

So how did everyone else fare for Mother's Day? My friend, Tam, texted me and told me to have a happy mother's day. I'm a father but she said she wasn't kidding because she said that I play dual roles in his life. That was pretty cool of her to say that. I still try to keep my identity and remain responsible though. And in the spirit of that, here are some related mother's day resources for you.


http://thingsididlastnight.com/

http://www.dickipedia.org/dick.php?title=Your_mom


Hey, no one said to come here for enlightenment.

Meh

I guess I'll write a blog.

I've been in a funk the past couple of weeks for reasons that I wont embellish on here, but that are pretty personal. No, I didn't' just go through a breakup. It's actually a complicated, really drama-laden story that begins in 1999 and will undoubtedly continue to carry much weight in affecting every major decision I consider .

Alright, so I feel like I should apologize for the Eeyore type vibe I'm giving off, but fuck that, man. This is my blog and I will bitch if I want to. Best shut the hell up before I smack the hell up!

I didn't mean that. Sorry. Emotions sometimes get the best of me. For that reason I haven't blogged in a while because this is what you would get. So there you go. Now you know why I haven't constructed a proper blog in a while. (Of course it's arguable whether or not I've yet to do that.) Anyway, somebody cue the violin and check back on me every now and then. I'm gonna go listen to some Phil Collins now.



Public service denouncement:

Oh yeah, and it's Cinco de Mayo today so of course I have to comment on that. Please, people. Por favor--if you're going to say you're out 'celebrating Cinco de Mayo, please at least have some basic information about as to what you're celebrating. It's to celebrate the day in Mexico's history where they raped murdered, and ultimately ate the feral cats (el gatos) in the villages as the cat symbolized hubris, laziness and excess. They then found that their crops grew plentiful and they had enough corn to supply the townspeople for five generations. I'm not telling the truth, but I shouldn't have to tell you that! ;) It also has nothing to do with their day of independence. (That's Sept. 16th.)

I swear, I could create blomma-lomma-ding-dong day on August 13th and you mother fuckers would celebrate the shit out of it without knowing what it is. That's also why I love you though. So either way.