So today's the day that the lovelorn girls of the world will lock themselves up in their closets, curse their unrequited lover's names, and play Celine Dion's morose, suicidal symphony-- "All By Myself" on blast.
Even if but for this reason you suck at life to some degree, this shouldn't be considered a failure of a day for you considering the historic alternative V-day carousal of being spanked by the revelers of yore with the blood-drenched hides of sacrificial goats and dogs. Goats and dogs which were initially offered for fertility and purification to Faunus, the Roman god of agriculture. I mean, of course, naturally this contact with a portion of the sacrificial offering enhanced a woman's fertility, after all, so I'm not intending to detract from that fact - but you know.
They didn't stop there though. Apparently all the women eventually placed their names in a big urn where from the bachelors of the city would draw a name of the prized lady they'd become "paired" with for the year.
As enchanting as it may be to be flogged by the hide of a helpless animal (and basically have your vagina up for bid in the town's lottery), the allure just might wear off after a bit, no? Let's settle for a night with Celine, ladies.
If you're not up for that, there's always this unfortunate alternative:
Just saying...
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