High At First Sight: Your Brain on Love

"Love consists of overestimating the differences between one woman and another." - George Bernard Shaw

"The heart has its reasons which reason knows not of." -Blaise Pascal

"Parting is all we need to know of hell." - Emily Dickinson

"You call it madness, but I call it love." -Don Byas



Why do humans love? What causes it? Is it a choice? An emotion? A feeling or a decision? Throughout the ages, there have been songs written about love, poetry, novels written, temples erected. Myths have been told, myths recited - people have killed and died for it. There have been numerous studies on the subject, and some of the findings might even surprise you.  You might even come to realize that you are addicted to love.  Do you want the cure?  That's up to you (though not always).

In the jungles of Gautemala, in Tical, lived a grand Sun King, in the grandest city, in a grand civilization of the Mayas. His name was Kasa Kitchari (though I'm positive I've misspelled his name). He lived well into his eighties and the Mayan inscriptions on his tomb profess that he was deeply in love with his wife. There was a temple built for her facing his that at exactly every Spring and Autumn equinox, the shadows of each temple would fall on the other. Every evening, the sun would set behind hers, and shadow of her temple would touch his. Even after 1300 years, the lovers still touch and kiss from time to time.

In over 170 societies that have been looked into, there has never been one that hasn't left behind some sort of evidence of love being a pervasive force. (Poetry, artifacts, etc.) Love is universal, and doesn't belong to a specific group, and it is even said that animals feel love. (http://www.tc.umn.edu/~parkx032/B-LOW.html)

In 1992, anthropologist Helen Fisher, in her ground-breaking book the Anatomy of Love, postulated three main phases of love:

1. lust - an intense longing.
2. attraction - an action that tends to draw people together.
3. attachment - a bonding progression. [Enough to put up with each other long enough to raise a child together]
   

Generally love will start off in the lust phase, strong in passion but weak in the other elements. The primary motivator at this stage is the basic sexual instinct. Appearance, smells, and other similar factors play a decisive role in screening potential mates. However, as time passes on , the other elements may grow and passion may shrink — this depends upon the individual. So what starts as infatuation or empty love may well develop into one of the fuller types of love. At the attraction stage the person concentrates their affection on a single mate and fidelity becomes important.
Likewise, when a person has known a loved one for a long time, they develop a deeper attachment to their partner. According to current scientific understanding of love, this transition from the attraction to the attachment phase usually happens in about 30 months. After that time, the passion fades, changing love from consummate to companionate, or from romantic love to liking.

Helen Fisher, as an anthropologist, has worked on the topic of love for over thirty years. Her most recent efforts consisted of carrying out an experiment where they placed 32 people under a MRI brain scanner. Some of those were currently in love and accepted - another portion of those people felt they were in love but were rejected.

As further research eventually demonstrated, there are areas in the factory ventral portion of the brain that light up by those that are in love. Not so coincidentally, this is the same region of the brain that lights up when a person experiences a rush from a cocaine high. There are cells in the brain, (a-10 cells) that produce a natural drug called 'dopamine' that gives you those feelings you experience when you feel a romantic bond toward someone. These A-10 cells actually this region of the brain, and flood it with this natural drug. This region of the brain--the caudate nucleus and the ventral tegmental--is below our consciousness, and part of our reptilian portion that feels wanting, motive, focus and craving.

It is closer in its neural profile to drives like hunger, thirst or drug craving, the researchers assert, than to emotional states like excitement or affection. As a relationship deepens, the brain scans suggest, the neural activity associated with romantic love alters slightly, and in some cases primes areas deep in the primitive brain that are involved in long-term attachment. (nyt)

Love has also been compared to an addiction. It certainly has the components of one.  It often can distort reality, lead to tolerance, withdrawals, and perhaps eventually relapse (when you're trying to 'get over' someone).

Helen Fisher sat down and spoke with some of the subjects her of study and there are several common themes among those in love.

Craving. There's a sexual craving, but especially and emotional craving. You obviously want to sleep with the one you love, but you'd almost prefer a phone call simply hearing that you're loved, wanted and missed.

Motivation. You're motivated; you want this person and want nothing more than to be wanted by them.

Obsession. The people were asked what percentage of the day they feel they think about their love. Most of them said almost all day and night. When asked if they'd die for their love, all of them answered yes, almost as effortlessly as one would answer when asked if they would please "pass the salt."

As Helen mentions, though - you can at least come down from a cocaine high. Love is more potent and addictive than cocaine, and is by far much more powerful than the sex drive.

After all, it's not often you hear of anyone killing themselves, or committing crimes of passion when they are turned down for a one night stand - but this is all too common for a lover scorned and rejected.

So what of love at first sight?  Is this possible.  Sort of.  But you might be more like 'high at first sight.'  Our ancestors in the wild didn't have much time or see much importance in courting a mate for three weeks.  Instinctually, it's possible to feel that you are in love with someone in order that you may mate right away.  It seems we were wired for this, and it's only that much more complicated because our culture doesn't seem to be built around this, but rather our instinctual desires are built around our culture.

As shown above,there's Lust, attraction, and attachment.  Lust is more that general fe
eling you get when you're out and about -- it doesn't necessarily have to do with any particular person.  Attraction is a little more personal; it drives you to get involved with a particular person--but it's attachment that keeps you there long enough in order to raise a family as a team.

However, these three things aren't mutually exclusive.  They need not always present at the same time, but actually can, and do, exist independently. For instance, you can feel attachment for someone who is simply a one-night-stand because orgasms release oxytocin, vasopresson, and dopeamine. This is why some people may feel a 'cosmic union' to someone they may have just slept with.

However, even with all of the insights into what happens to the mind on a chemical and biological level, I don't think should cheapen it for you.

I believe you can still appreciate love for what it is, though it raises questions about the role of antidepressants for use in the long-term. Surely, if one feels they want to commit suicide or harm another and feel that these drugs help them cope, then so be it. But much more has been raised on the issue of long-term dependence on antidepressants, and its effect on forming bonds...essentially the capacity for love.

Anti-depressants raise seratonin in the brain, suppress the dopamine circuits, kills the sex drive, the orgasm, and thereby blocks the flood of drugs associated with attachment. When any part of the brain system is tampered with, it trickles over to another.

Maybe some people would rather live with that than the depression that sets in when they relapse from the drug they call dopamine.

As Virgil said, "Love conquers all"--often times whether you like it or not.


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Additional links:

Helen Fisher on Wikipedia
NYT article
Video on Ted.com